Release Your Fear of Commitment and LIVE ... - Silva Method Life

If you fear commitment, it can weigh over you like a big ugly cloud, and ruin otherwise perfect relationships. Fear of commitment isn?t just a ?guy thing? either. Plenty of women fear that settling down with someone means giving up too much.

What do commitment-phobes fear?

• Settling for someone less than perfect when there could be someone perfect out there
• Giving up freedom
• Giving up your sense of identity
• Losing your options in life (i.e. ability to move to a different city, go on whirlwind adventures anytime it?s convenient for you, etc.)
• Having to alter your lifestyle (i.e. compromise on things you love to do)
• Being stuck in a relationship that you can?t get out of

You might have a mild fear of commitment, or it can be absolute terror. Anytime a partner even hints about long-term togetherness, you might feel a vise grip around your heart and panic sets in, triggering your fight-or-flight instincts.

What might surprise you is that fear of commitment isn?t just about relationships. Friendships, academic performance, careers and goals all suffer if you can?t commit!

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What Happens When You Can?t Commit

Failed relationship after failed relationship; a lonely life; emotional upheaval; inability to have a meaningful career; inability to achieve goals.

Fear of commitment doesn?t always show up as ?running away.? Often, decisions are made with the EXIT strategy in place, giving you an easy ?out? ? also known as setting yourself up for failure:

• pursuing relationships with people who are unattainable or just plain wrong
• pursuing jobs, careers or goals that are unattainable

Fear of LOSS is at the heart of commitment problems. You might fear that if you choose ?Door #1? then ?Doors #2 through Door Infinity? may be closed to you forever. Most commitment phobes fear making a decision because it might be the wrong decision.

What Are You Looking For?

So what do you really want, then, if you can?t commit to anything? Everybody wants something ? and the commitment phobe has trouble defining that ?something?.

Ironically, security is something often desired by people who fear commitment in relationships. They desire intimacy, security, comfort and companionship inherent in a healthy committed relationship ? but the pervasive fear is that these things will be lost if the relationship doesn?t work out.

Fear keeps people from committing to education and career paths: you may desire to express your talents in a particular venue but fear that if you?re not good enough, it will all be for nothing and you?ll be stuck doing some hateful job anyway! And, sadly, many wonderful dreams and goals never get realized because fear of commitment.

Or, if you fear committing to a goal, you may fear failure.

The best way to find out what you really want out of life is to meditate on what you really love to do. What is it about those activities that makes you so happy? That?s a clue to what you?re really after! Let your imagination run wild with positive scenarios of how your life could play out, if money, time, health, education and every self-imposed limitation were no object.

Getting Over Your Fear

Self-awareness is the single most important tool you have in overcoming fear of commitment. In the Silva Method, you learn to become very aware of your thoughts and feelings. You can spot behaviors, speech patterns (including self-talk) and even thoughts that flew under your radar; and when you do that, you can go deeper into introspection and identify the source of the fears that are keeping you from making a commitment.

1. Give your fear a name. Express it. What is is about commitment that scares you? Is it the word? Is it the loss of something? Many commitment phobes fear losing their independence, but that is a symptom of an unhealthy relationship anyway (a healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and trust, and a desire to help each other, uplift each other and support each other?s dreams and aspirations) ? you don?t really lose independence in a healthy relationship.

2. Take control of your life. Commitment requires making a decision. Yes or no. Stay or go. Do or do not. If you?re in the habit of avoiding commitment, you have created a habit of indecision! Use the Habit Control exercises in the Silva Method to create a habit of making firm decisions. Right or wrong, a decision is always better than no decision.

3. Visualize what can go right in a relationship or a job? and stop focusing on what can go wrong. This is where you?re tripping yourself up! You WANT a secure, happy relationship; you WANT a great career; but if you?re constantly visualizing what?s ?inevitably? going to go wrong ? loss of freedom, wrong career, etc. ? you end up living out your visualization. Use the Silva visualization exercises to train your mind to focus on what you want!

4. Remove the word ?forever? from your vocabulary and visualizations. That?s WAY too much pressure! Think about the near future. Think about how happy you will be in your relationship, or your job, in the next year and couple of years. Don?t worry about ?forever.? Things always change? and ?forever? is a false ideal. All you have is this moment. Then, you move into the next moment. Things that happen in that next moment depend on what you do in this one. So always do your best, think your best and speak your best, and let the future take care of itself.

5. Improve yourself! Commitment doesn?t have to be a sentence to a life of something you don?t want. Think about the ?vibe? you are projecting right now. Are you attracting the circumstances and people you?re interested in having in your life? or not? The more you work on yourself ? to become your ideal version of yourself ? the more you will attract what makes you happy; then, commitment won?t be so intimidating!

When you can commit to what you want, you can see it through. To success, to achievement, to happiness. To a life well lived!

Source: http://www.silvamethodlife.com/fear-of-commitment-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=fear-of-commitment-2

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